When you were a child, were you ever told: “Don’t say that; Keep that to yourself; Don’t ask embarrassing questions; That’s not nice to say.” If so, you were asked to hide your voice.

Over the years as a therapist, writer, and life coach, I have found that clients yearned to be true to themselves, express themselves, and share their heartfelt ideas. In other words, they wanted to use their voice.

Our voice is how we tell the world who we are. When we use our voice, we are uninhibited and curious about the world. We eagerly share whatever is on our mind. Unfortunately, our upbringing and culture often taught us to censor our voices and stop talking about what was going on within.

I grew up in a household where children should be seen but not heard. My own personal growth has been to find my voice and to help others find their voice. Interestingly, I have a range of voices. I can access my inner child’s voice, my adolescent rebel’s voice, my higher wisdom voice, my lover’s voice, or my writer’s voice.

Here are four simple steps to help you find your voice.

1. Create a safe space where you feel accepted without judgment. Journaling provides the opportunity to write and see what you’re thinking and feeling. Writing for the past 30 years has helped me discover my voice. A coach, therapist, or support group offers a non-judgmental audience for you to practice expressing yourself and being heard.

2. Identify your voice patterns so that you become aware of how you express yourself to the world. When you speak, notice when you become inhibited, combative, or open and honest. Notice also how you express your feelings, describe your needs, and make requests.

3. Ask three simple but powerful questions: 1) What am I feeling? Notice where you hold emotions in your body. 2) What do I need to say? Such as a thought, emotion, or unexpressed need or desire. 3) How can I say it? Using “I” statements establishes a strong voice.

4. Practice using your voice. Join a Toastmaster club to develop speaking skills and practice self-expression and vocal variety in a supportive environment. Honestly share more of yourself with friends.

I encourage you to find your voice, speak with heart and soul, and keep giving you until YOU is what the world wants. The world is waiting for your words!

In this video, I share a personal story about visiting my mother on a Mother’s Day weekend. Though she suffered from dementia, she gave me an eternal message of love: accept yourself. Acceptance is the key to the prison of self-doubt. Can you accept yourself?

One of the common problems I’ve encountered with clients over the years as a therapist and life coach is helping them find their voice.

Were you ever told, “Don’t say that!” or “Keep that to yourself,” or “That’s not nice to say.” You may have been told, “Don’t cry, don’t be angry, or don’t ask embarrassing questions.”

Our voice is how we tell the world who we are. If I don’t know who I am or I was told not to reveal who I am, then I have to start looking for my voice.

Here are four steps to help you find your voice.

At 7 a.m. I walked the beach with my friend, Daniel. He told me about a recent conversation he had with his brother who was sliding through life, not taking it seriously. Daniel strongly encouraged his brother to take himself seriously.

I asked Daniel if there was a part of his own life that he wasn’t taking seriously. He paused for a moment and then, in a flash of insight, recognized that his brother represented a personal goal he wanted to take more seriously.

As he talked, I realized that I needed to take my writing more seriously. I love to write and create stories but often neglect promotion, a necessary part of any career.

Every story that resonates with us has a message. Once we embrace it, we’re compelled to take action and share our story with all the lessons. That’s how the human race has evolved.

A story involves a main character in search of a goal, who faces and hopefully overcomes opposition, in order to achieve success. In the process, the character undergoes a transformation. “Can Leonard, who grew up in a family with hardship and struggle, overcome his past and create ease and inner peace?”

What’s your story? Is it about being yourself, overcoming adversity, or finding true love? Your theme will show up in the books you choose to read, the movies you watch, and the drama that unfolds around you.

I encourage you to take your story seriously. Doing so requires an audience. You can talk to a friend, see a therapist, or write your story down. Once you get serious, you embark on an incredible adventure–the hero/heroine’s journey.

A friend of mine pointed out that I haven’t sent a newsletter in four months. I was about to say, “I’ve been too busy,” then stopped myself. I flashed to a letter that my mother wrote to me many years ago, when I lived in Australia. In that letter, she used the word “busy” twelve times. She was busy working, busy gardening, busy volunteering, busy shopping, busy, busy, busy. Back then, I chuckled at her busyness, resolving that wouldn’t happen to me.

Now I only shake my head at my own busyness. Mind you, I love when I write, speak, coach clients, and present seminars. However, I can easily get absorbed in my work, and when I get too busy, I neglect myself and relationships.

Over the past few months, I’ve come face to face with serious health issues of some family members. Those health challenges forced me to slow down and ask, “What is really important?”

Was accomplishment, achievement, or completing a list of tasks the most important function of my life? Not when facing the potential loss of loved ones. That wake-up call reminded me to slow down because I was moving too fast.

If you ever find yourself “too busy,” ask yourself these four questions:

1. Why am I so busy?
2. Is this how I want to spend my time?
3. What else would I prefer to do?
4. Can I make time today to do what I love?

Love helps us slow down to make the moments last. We can never be too busy for love.

Welcome Home!

Many years ago, I worked with a depressed woman in her 30’s, who had a rare debilitating illness. Growing up, she was raised in an abusive household and kept to herself. She believed she was stupid, ugly, and without much hope for the future. She could barely express herself verbally.

I asked her to write a few thoughts in a journal in between our therapy sessions and bring them so I could read them. Her first entry was one sentence, illegibly scribbled on a crumpled piece of paper. I thanked her for having the courage to open her life and share her words.

Over time, she brought in a journal which I read at the beginning of each session. Her simple sentences soon turned into paragraphs. Her paragraphs expanded to pages. Her pages blossomed into completed journals.

As her writing expanded, so did her life. She grew in confidence and became more verbally expressive. She founded a support group for individuals with the rare disability, started a newsletter, and built a remarkable organization that connected families affected by the disability. In essence, she created a supportive, loving extended family. Not too long ago, I received an email from her, telling me that her story was published in a magazine.

The changes all began because of the power of words. I have witnessed countless examples of individuals whose lives have changed as a result of writing. The late Maya Angelou used words to liberate herself, so beautifully expressed in her book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

Words provide the keys to unlock doors. Find the missing pieces and see the whole picture. Write your way to success and health!

Leonard